I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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