she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
