You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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