I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
