what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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