When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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