i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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