I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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