And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
