Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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