I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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