I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
