Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
