remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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