I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
