Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
