In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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