So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
