He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
