if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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