I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
