There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
