I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
