There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she smelled like a LAN party
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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