Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
