dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
