Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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