entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
