I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
