i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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