I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
