I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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