I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
