i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
