Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just cropdusted the office
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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