This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
