No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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