my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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