hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
