And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
