yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
