Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
