At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
