I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
