so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
