Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All the doctor said was why
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
