In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
