So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
