Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
