Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
