funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
